Last night, I was watching Dick Clark trying really hard to ring in the New Year, NKOTB trying really hard to keep up with the Backstreet Boys, and Ke$ha trying really hard to pass for something other than a skank, and I got to thinking…. It’s time for New Year’s Revolutions!


Yeah, okay, so maybe it was the boxed wine I was drinking. Or the pissy champagne Mr. Sasha picked up at the only open liquor store at 10pm on New Year’s Eve. Maybe that was why I distinctly thought, “WE NEEDSA REVOLUTION!” Instead of remembering we’re supposed to make RESOLUTIONS.


A resolution probably would have been a little kinder, seeing as how spinning all those revolutions in my living room in time to Step by Step left my tummy icky, and my kids wondering just what might be wrong with their insane mother this time.  Mr. Sasha knows full well what’s wrong with me. He doesn’t wonder any more.


Oh, ha ha. You thought I was talking about those OTHER revolutions. Like, a big major social change. Oh, honey. The only thing I’m rebelling against is not being allowed to sleep in on the weekends anymore.


I don’t have energy to rebel against anything else. See, ’cause I don’t get to sleep in on the weekends anymore.


I’ll tell you what, I do usually make some resolutions, all bitchy, morning after, husband used all the hot water angst aside. So, I’ll share them with you.


In 2011, I resolve:

  1. To buy more Resolve carpet cleaner. Because my kids are fucking awesome with everything from art supplies to grape juice.
  2. To cuddle my dog more. Because in dog years, he’s like dead. So, who knows how much longer that’s gonna last.
  3. To try really hard to at least think about what is going to be for dinner every night before I hit the grocery store. Or maybe I’ll just resolve to display the phone number to the pizza place in a more prominent place in the kitchen.
  4. To tell Mr. Sasha what I want, instead of just expecting him to know. For example, I will spell out, “Please find an open liquor store and get a champagne that is actually made out of grapes and not pig piss.” Also? “Get a diaper and change Miss Poopie Pants. Please.”
  5. To not forget the Please’s when number fouring. Because, I do that.
  6. To warn my kids that biting a balloon will make it pop in their mouths, BEFORE they actually pop in their mouths.
  7. To not spend so much time with my batshit insane mother. Because she is, I swear to God, batshit fucking insane. And she drives me batshit fucking insane.
  8. To blog more. ‘Cause you know, y’all don’t get to hear from me NEARLY enough.


Did you make and resolutions? Or revolutions? Of either kind?